Article written by Claus Skovbjerg, MA, stagiaire communicateur at TermCoord
As an EU employee here in Luxembourg, it has often struck me how polite everyone is here. For instance, I have had to get used rather quickly to the habit of greeting a total stranger by saying bonjour or bonne journée when going in and out of the lift. With my Danish modesty, it seems a bit strange, but in a way I like this way of acknowledging the other person that you happen to share a very small and intimate space with instead of just looking down pretending no one else is in the lift.
When it comes to networking internationally, however, things start getting a bit more complicated. For instance, when do you shake hands, and when to hug or give kisses – and how many? And what do you do if you are in a mixed group of people with different cultural backgrounds? Not to forget the gender and generation aspect etc. etc.
In France it is common to greet each other with three or even more kisses on the cheek. In Denmark one can expect to receive a hug, a hej (hi, hello), a nod or a handshake depending on which generation you belong to, or which part of the country you are from.
Shaking hands with the Vikings
In human society, the handshake has been used since ancient times as a way to seal contracts, confirm alliances, confirming a deal and to bet with someone. The handshake is an expression of enormous confidence. It is believed that in the Viking Ages one stretched his hand towards somebody to greet in order to signal they had no intention of drawing their sword.
Today the use of the handshake has simply become too old-fashioned – except for the first meeting with a stranger. The handshake seems too formal and is slowly declining in favour of hugs and kisses. However, to some people this way of greeting is a breach of their personal privacy sphere .
Courtesy confusion
Moreover, when there is this uncertainty in greeting rituals, it creates insecurity. This is because the greeting ritual is used to create security in social situations. If there is no fixed way of greeting, you suddenly have to spend energy thinking about how to present yourself or having to negotiate who to shake hands with, who to hug, and when to say your name.
In 1998, Danish publisher Niels Nørgaard founded Dansk Håndtryksforening (Danish Handshake Association) in order to get the good old handshake back on track. Who knows if such an initiative might be the solution to getting rid of the courtesy confusion and allow us to better concentrate on the first hand impression when greeting a foreigner?
Gestures used to say hello or goodbye